my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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