The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
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I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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