you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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