Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
