I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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