does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
