Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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