Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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