this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
