Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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