yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
