Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
