We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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