We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
