Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
