he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
