I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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