i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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