And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize