Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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