You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
