just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
