You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
