Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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