Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
