??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
