My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize