I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
