Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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