I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
