Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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