Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
