don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
