Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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