Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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