we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.