Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.