Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo