life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.