really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
