I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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