Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
