3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
