I'm so fucking centered right now
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
