I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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