She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
