My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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