He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
