finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize