So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
