I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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