i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
