have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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