Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize