Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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