I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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