they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
