Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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