i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
