after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
