she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
