either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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