I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
