i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
