My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
