My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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